So this is my first post here. I don't even know if I am going to publish this or keep it just for myself. This wasn't even my idea, my therapist thought I should memorialise my thoughts and feelings because they're so real. What does that even mean? Aren't everyone's feelings real? I don't know. But so here I am.
So a bit about myself I guess. I am currently a sophomore in uni but my semester got cut short because of the COVID-19 outbreak. I'm back home and today is actually the last day of my quarantine before I can start moving around the house freely and actually sit in the same room as my family, finally hug my sister. These past two weeks in quarantine have been rough, spending all this time by myself really forced me to get in over my head and just reflect on all the things that happened in the past year. 2019 was the roughest year of my life but I guess a positive thinker would say that I came out of it stronger.
But I don't feel stronger. I feel weak, sad, pathetic. There are days where I am so happy and surrounded by friends and teammates and family but I don't think I have anyone. That one person, my person. I don't think I'm a good friend and if I were gone I don't think anyone would miss me. Okay thats an overstatement, I know I have friends, my family would miss me, my boyfriend would also probably care. But when I am here, it doesn't feel that way. If I want to cry to someone or vent, there isn't one person that always comes straight to my head that I want to reach out to. Shouldn't everyone have that person?
And it's not like I've never had a person like that, I did. So many too. But that's for another time. If I continue to do this. I don't know yet.