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03 April, 2020

Hi, I'm back. Don't think this means I like doing this it is just a good reason to avoid doing a workout or my homework while the entire world is literally still in a lockdown. My mind is literally a blank right now. Great. I guess I can talk about people leaving me, because people always leave. Is that copyrighted by P. Sawyer? Eh who knows. But yeah let's get into it.


So as the title of my blog might give away, I'm not ok. I haven't been okay for the last year, and I'm learning to be okay with it. But some days, it hurts. My best friend through high school is the best best friend anyone could ask for. She's laughed with me, cried with me, seen me make a complete idiot of myself, and been the only one who stood by me if I began acting out. I always believed I was okay because she believed in me. But last year, she stopped.


I think that was one of the worst days of my life. My therapist told me she believes I suffer from depression, my best friend told me she doesn't believe our friendship is the same anymore, and I also had a business exam the next day. Yeah I know the last one isn't as significant especially considering it was like 6% of my final grade. But still.


The words hit me like a truck. She said that for years people told her I victimise myself and don't care about how my actions affect others and that day she told me she believed them. She told me she'd been thinking about it for days and had finally come to terms with it but what about me?? Don't I deserve time to process it and fight for and grieve our friendship?


We're okay now. We took some time off, met up for lunch and about four months later laughed and cried about how stupid it was for us to try to end a friendship like ours.


But while we may be okay now, I still believe her harsh words. And I don't think I'm okay yet.


Till next time



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